Archive for November, 2006

Don’t Call Her Stacy

November 30, 2006

So it’s way easier to get over a breakup when you’re chugging vodka straight from a bottle with a bunch of drag queens and watching Fergie shout London Bridge ten feet away from you, huh?

LOVE the Paper Nightlife Awards, but why don’t they have a category for Best New Band?!

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November 27, 2006

Fame is a four letter word…

Separated at Birth: The Rock Star Edition

November 27, 2006

Is Brendon Urie the secret love child of Morrissey?

Ooooh yeah.

This game is fun… anybody else got rock star lookalikes?

Music for Angry Ex Girlfriends

November 27, 2006

Sophia and I watched My So Called Life reruns on DVD this morning, and that scene where Claire Danes gets over Jordan Catalano by thrashing around on her bed to Nirvana?  Oh my god that’s what I’ve been doing for the past five days.  Sophia didn’t get it, she said, “When a guy breaks my heart, I just go for a martini.  It’s like they say, wasted, want not.”

Thank god Sophia doesn’t do needlepoint because that would be a disaster.  She’d be sending me pillows that say “Home Is Where the Tart Is” or “Life Is Like a Box of Louboutins.”  Yikes.

Anyway, it’s impossible to correct Sophia’s little morsels of wisdom, so instead I said, “Babe, I love you, but you’ve never had your heart broken in your whole life.”  Then I had a martini, just in case she was right.

And so, the Year of Jenny continues… and at least I look damn cute in the first Sunset Heat episode.

The Ex Files

November 22, 2006

I hate the truth.

I hate it when you understand, finally, why you’re in so much pain, and it has nothing to do with you.

It has to do with your stupid ex boyfriend and your stupid best friend and you don’t even matter, because the truth doesn’t care about you.

And Eva, if you’re reading this, I hate you the most.  I hate you for sleeping with Reed.  I hate you for breaking up the only thing that ever made me feel like I belonged to anyone.  I hate you for ruining the last six months of my life and I hate you for making me hate The Velvet Underground and The Annex and all the sushi joints in Williamsburg and Cafeteria in Chelsea and the way in the morning you can see sunrise through the blinds and all the other things that Reed and I shared together.

But you know what?

I really, really hate that you told me that you did it.  Because now, not only do I hate Reed more than ever, but I know – more than ever – that the next guy I meet and the next guy I like and the next guy I date is gonna be one of yours.

You’ll like him.  You’ll want him.  And I’ll get him.

And do you know why, Eva?

Because your karma is now right down there with Saddam Hussein’s, or whomever decided that another season of American Idol is a good idea.

And if I can promise you anything, Eva, it’s this.  You’ll get what you deserve.  Which is less than zero.  And I’m going to have the best Year of Jenny ever, without you.

Oh, and I’m taking Sophia and Sebastian with me.

So there.

How Do You Say Hipster in Italian?

November 14, 2006

Chanel may have Lily Allen, but Bruce Weber and the L’Uomo Vogue team just scored The Horrors.

Apparently their black-banged concerts were such a huge hit at CMJ that the fashion gods dubbed them worthy of… get this… a cover!

Though the band is London-based, they’re shooting their big style moment in New York this week… no word on whether they get to style themselves… or whether Karl’s gonna grab them like he did Lily…

or if a certain femme DJ is still crushing hard on a certain member of the band…

But really, can you blame her?

Love love love, me.

Drama Club

November 13, 2006

All About Eva: Hey you never answered my text

Year of Jenny: Yeah, sorry, my brother got really sick after CMJ so I’ve been in Williamsburg a lot making sure he’s okay.

All About Eva: Awwww.

Year of Jenny: So what’s up?

All About Eva: I just think we should talk before Sunset Heat starts airing.

Year of Jenny: Look, I’m over any drama.  We all behaved like bitches, it’s fine.  I didn’t mean to wear the same dress as you and anyway

All About Eva: No it’s not that.

Year of Jenny: You had like a Grace Kelly thing going on and I was thinking more of Hilary Duff.  Look seriously, if I can forgive Sophia for shoving me into a pool

All About Eva: Haha, yeah and aren’t you SO scared of water?

Year of Jenny: SO scared.  Ever since I was little.  The only thing that belongs in H20 is Crystal Light mix.

All About Eva: Seriously.

Year of Jenny: It was like a Top Model challenge gone bad.  Ew.  So tell me.  What’s so wrong?

All About Eva: It’s not so easy.

Year of Jenny: Okay, um, let’s try this: is it a Brian Jonestown Massacre versus Dandy Warhols problem or is it a Gwen Stefani versus No Doubt problem.

All About Eva: My language please?

Year of Jenny: Paris versus Lindsay scuffle that ends up working out easily?  Or Paris versus Nicole fight that ruins everything but there’s hope?  Or Paris versus Mary Kate fight that’s just bitter and awful.

All About Eva: I guess that’s up to you.

Year of Jenny: Scary. Well then I guess we should meet and talk about… whatever you need to talk about.  Tomorrow?  Clinton Street Baking Co?

All About Eva: Fine, I’ll trek to the Lower East Side to see you.

Year of Jenny: You’re such a brat.

All About Eva: You have no idea.  See you later, Paris.

Year of Jenny: No way! I am so not Paris, you are!

All About Eva: I know I’m more Paris than you, but the only celeb you’re really like is Mary Kate.  And if it’s a Paris and Mary Kate problem…

Year of Jenny: Okay what is going on?

All About Eva:  See you tomorrow!

The Breakup

November 11, 2006

Because I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately.  I’ll tell you.  This is how it happened.  The breakup.

We are at brunch.  At Clinton Street Baking Co.  With tons of people all around me.  And coffee.   And everyone’s like “Jenny, where’s Reed?” and I shrug and he walks in with his arm around this girl.  She wasn’t even pretty.  She wasn’t even memorable, like, I remember exactly what I was wearing (Paper jeans, a Jovovich-Hawk lace dress, Rainbow flip flops, Chloe Paddington bag) and I remember exactly who I was sitting with (that bassist from Louis XIV on one side and Vinnie Postetivo on the other) and I don’t remember what she looked like or her name.  Just his arm, around her, like see, it’s a unit.  Us.  Not you.  Not okay.

It was so confusing and I was like “Hi, I’m Jenny,” to this girl and everyone at the table was staring.  Like, who is this girl and did you and Reed break up?   But no, we hadn’t, at least not yet.  I mean, the night before we were at a Decembrists concert and everything was fine.  So what the hell.   I couldn’t even finish my coffee.
Then it started to pour and there were ten of us trapped inside the restaurant and only one cab came by.  And Reed stands up and he’s like “Jenny, let’s go.”  And I’m like, “let’s go where? To hell?  Because that’s the only place I think you’re going right now!”

Okay, so I didn’t say that.  I said, “okay,” and we hopped in the cab and he kissed this unmemorable girl goodbye and the whole table just stared and I. wanted. to. die.  Really.

Then in the cab.

“What’s up, Jen?” he goes.  Jerk.

“What’s up with you is probably a better question,” I say and then he’s like, “Jenny, look. You are beautiful and you’re this great girl but I think you have the wrong idea.  I’m not your boyfriend.  I’m just some guy that liked you.”

And the cab pulls up in front of my house and I climb out and I’m bawling.

Of course, it was raining so hard that you couldn’t even tell.

Sebastian Isn’t Warhol (or even that guy from The Horrors)

November 8, 2006


SophiaNotCoppola: Is that one of Sebastian’s drawings?

YearOfJenny: Yeah, it’s a little… um… odd. Is that girl supposed to be me?

SophiaNotCoppola: I think so. He must really like you. He drew you naked and crying with little broken hearts spilling all over you. That just screams second date.

YearOfJenny: Whatever, at least I had a first date!

SophiaNotCoppola: Oh, no honey, I didn’t mean that in a mean way. This is really flattering. You know some famous artist in like the nineteen hundreds said Ars Longa, Vita Brevis – art is long and manicures are short. You should totally take this as a compliment.

YearOfJenny: Okay, but who is that other girl he’s with? That Chanel dress looks like Eva’s!

SophiaNotCoppola: Whatever, who cares who it is? Look at the picture of you – you look so thin. What else matters?

YearOfJenny: Yeah, and didn’t you say I look thin on the TV trailers too? When do I get to see that?

SophiaNotCoppola: Soon! I promise!

ps, if you want Sebastian’s side of the story, I guess you should read his blog.

MySpace Cadet

November 6, 2006

Dear Evan Rachel Wood,

It was so nice to see you at MisShapes this summer and again in LA last month and you’re right, Running With Scissors, was actually much better than the trailers made it look.
But.

Is it really a fabulous idea to post a photo of you making out with [name redacted to not totally violate your privacy] on the dance floor on your MySpace? I mean really, your MySpace? Don’t you understand there are recently dumped girls like me who get incredibly depressed when we see stuff like this?

Ugh.

I’m calling Sophia and we are going out for major Tasty D-Lite and yes, I know it’s like sub zero degrees out but really. A public display of affection from a minor movie star on MySpace?
Can’t. Even. Deal.